JIM: I hid them in a cardboard box. I left it with the suitcases so it would just get packed, no questions asked, and you wouldn’t suspect and look inside.

GWEN: That backfired. And we go without Christmas. [To MEG] Are you going to hand yours over? Or can I go and start lunch?

MEG: Here you are. Merry Christmas.

GWEN: Thanks. Are these the…?

MEG: Yes, the plastic mugs.

GWEN: Marvellous. Thank you. I won’t unwrap them all here. And what did you get?

JIM: Just a little cardboard box.

GWEN: I think your needle’s stuck. What have you got?

MEG: It’s that fishing book.

GWEN: Oh, that’s nice.

JIM: So big it was.

GWEN: I’m not going to stand here nattering.

MEG: I saw the carton.

JIM: Don’t worry, it doesn’t matter.

MEG: I saw it in the hall.

JIM: Drop it, sweetheart.

MEG: I saw it. It was near the telephone table, wasn’t it?

JIM: That’s right, but it doesn’t matter now.

GWEN: Christmas is only for the young ones, anyway. I don’t know why we bother anymore.

JIM: I was just so sure it would get packed.

GWEN: I can start cutting up the vegies, I suppose.

MEG: You saw it too, didn’t you? You saw the box sitting there.

GWEN: I did no such thing.

MEG: You must have. It was sitting next to your vanity case.

GWEN: I didn’t see any cardboard carton.

MEG: Everything else that was in the hall got packed in the car. You did see it.

GWEN: Don’t argue with me.

MEG: You were the last one out. You’re the one who shuts the door, after you’ve made sure the stove’s off and the fridge has been left open. You saw the carton and you left it there on purpose.

GWEN: I most certainly did not.

MEG: You left it behind.

JIM: I’ll make it up. I’ll take us all to the pub for lunch.

GWEN: You won’t get me into that stinking pub.

MEG: And you knew what it was. You knew what was in it and you left it there.

GWEN: I will not be accused outside my own caravan. On Christmas morning.

MEG: Why did you do that?

GWEN: I’m not on trial.

MEG: Why would you do a thing like that?

JIM: Well, it’s done now. What’s done is done.

MEG: I want to know why you did it.

GWEN: You watch your tongue, my girl.

MEG: Tell me why you deliberately left that box behind.

JIM: Don’t speak to your mother like that.