"I didn't want more then," he insisted, out of habit "I mean… I used to do the meaningless sex thing. Because I did love someone, once. He died. And no, it wasn't a gay thing. He was my sire. I know you think the whole vampire thing is disgusting, and I know you're not going to believe this, but the blood tie… does something to you. And when he died… It was easier for me to think I wasn't lonely if I was going home with a different woman every night. Then things happened with you. And when I tried the meaningless sex thing again, it just didn't work."

He groaned and swung his legs over the side of the bed, sitting up. "I better stop talking. I'm just fucking this up more."

"You are not fucking up anything." Color rose in her cheeks. He realized he rarely heard her use profanity. "Max, we must talk about this or we will not be happy."

"We won't be happy anyway. We're going to die, remember?" The bitter retort rode a wave of bile up his throat, and he choked it back. "God, this is really happening to me again. I'm gonna fall for you and some horrible shit is going to happen."

She put her arms around his shoulders, rested her cheek against his. "Let's not think about that now."

He shook his head. "This isn't how I wanted it to happen."

"It is not how I wanted it to happen, either." Her voice was a whisper that tickled his ear.

His mouth went dry at the thought of the month he'd spent apart from her, a month he would never be able to reclaim. "We wasted so much time."

"Then let's not waste any more." She buried her face against his neck and he felt the hot wetness of her tears "Do you love me?"

He twisted slightly to face her. "What a stupid question. Of course I love you."

"Then let's not waste any more time," she repeated softly, pulling her shirt over her head.

If he had walked away from her, maybe he could have rebuilt some of his armor. Maybe he could have protected himself a little from the pain of her death.

But he couldn't walk away, and he wouldn't force himself to.

I don't know how much time passed between when I blacked out in Cyrus's bathroom until I woke up in Nathan's bed, but I felt as if I'd aged twenty years. My head throbbed and the faint light in the room seemed to have a personal grudge against me. My muscles were painfully tight, like I'd done a grueling workout without stretching properly. I groaned and my throat felt as though it would crack and bleed, it was so dry. "You're awake. Thank God."

Nathan. I turned my head and tried to focus, but the light assaulted me. "Where's Cyrus?"