"I have to be on my side. If I'm not, who is?" I thought of Cyrus. No, he was never on my side. No one was.

"I would have been." Nathan said it so earnestly, I think he believed it.

"No. You wouldn't have." And it was something I had to learn. No one was ever truly devoted to anyone else.

There was a long silence. Then Nathan put his hand over mine. "I do love you. I didn't say it because we were going to die."

"It has nothing to do with love." I didn't say that to wound him. "I love you. But you hurt me. And I hurt you. Whether we love each other or not, we can't ignore that, or we're just… building our foundation on sand."

"I know."

We didn't say anything else. I think we reached some sort of understanding. Our timetables were off once again. One of us was ready to open up and love, the other was retreating into solitude. But I needed time to grieve and think and let what had happened change me. At the end of that change, maybe I could build a relationship with Nathan out of the ruined components of our previous attempts. Or maybe I'd be strong enough to start from scratch. Maybe it would be easier, both of us coming from a place of loss. Perhaps that unequal footing had been our problem all along. But right now, I needed to be me, not "us." And it wouldn't be fair to give him anything less.

It was the damnedest thing, life. Once you decide exactly how things are going to go, something—or someone—comes along and messes it all up.

Max looked at Bella, really looked at her for the first time in days. She sat ramrod straight on the bench at the T station in Salem, working hard to keep her balance on the seat without the aid of her legs to steady her. They'd ditched the wheel-chair—the Oracle's people would be looking for a werewolf in a wheelchair—and had used all manner of tricks to get themselves this far.

Her eyes drifted shut a moment, then snapped open, a new, more firm resolve visibly gripping her. Max smiled. Now that they weren't in mortal peril, weren't walking blindly into danger, he realized how stupid he'd been. Of course he loved her. And yeah, there was a chance something might happen to them. It wasn't fair, it wasn't the life he would have picked for himself, but there it was. And he would be an idiot to throw away what he had because someday, something might hurt him again the way Marcus's death had.

God, he could be dense sometimes.