The moon was high, and its soft light silvered everything. Maya stared at the childish drawings on the walls without really seeing them.

I won. She glanced down at Beq and found herself smiling. We won, I suppose. I would have died if she hadn’t gotten there when she did. The memory of that moment of realization brought a twist to her stomach. But she did get there, and we beat the dhakim and rescued the children.

So why do I feel so bad?

She probed her emotions cautiously, like she was poking a rotten tooth with her tongue. Her mind replayed the fight, the first smuggler going down with a smoking wound carved across him, the second burning alive in her flames even as he blasted her. Is that it? Killing those men?

There was a twinge, but it was less than she expected. They were trying to kill me. And they were keeping children in cages. Sometimes centarchs might have to make hard choices, but this hadn’t been one of them.

It wasn’t getting chewed out by Tanax, either. She could think about that with surprising equanimity. Let him take his report to the Council. I’ll tell them what really happened. Nicomidi and the Dogmatics might side with his agathios, but she was certain Baselanthus and the Pragmatics would understand. Centarchs are supposed to be heroes. If the Order isn’t for rescuing children from dhakim, what in the Chosen’s name is it for?

And that was the real sticking point, the thing that made her heart twist. It was the look Kaiura had given Tanax, the faces of the villagers as she’d made her way back with Beq. The fear. We’re here to help them. To serve them. They shouldn’t be afraid of us. It made the victory taste like ashes. And now Tanax is going to make it worse. Dhak.

Beq gave a quiet whimper. Maya sat up, too abruptly, and her head swam. She swallowed and looked down in time to see the arcanist shift awkwardly, then moan, as though she were in pain. Her face was twisted, freckled skin sheathed in sweat. Hesitantly, Maya reached down and touched her shoulder.

“Beq,” she said. “Hey. Are you okay?”

Beq’s eyes snapped open, pupils very wide. Her breath came in quick gasps. Seriously worried now, Maya rolled out of bed and knelt beside her on the floor.

“Hey.” She put her hand on Beq’s arm and tried to speak soothingly. “It’s all right. You’re all right. Just breathe.”

Maya wasn’t sure if her words had any effect, but after a few moments Beq’s rapid breathing slowed. She blinked, and her eyes focused. Abruptly, she sat up, forcing Maya to shuffle backward.

“Glasses …” Beq said, groping on the floor beside her. “Glasses, glasses—ah.” She flipped her spectacles open and put them on, some of the tension going out of her. One hand went to the dials, twisting new lenses into place. “Maya?”