I turn the gun around and hold the barrel, the end resting under my chin. It feels hot, but I don’t have time to worry about such a trivial problem. I rest the stock on the floor and extend my arm so my thumb can slide over the trigger.

Another tear streaks down the side of my face as a hold the door closed, my thumb beginning to press down.

Anywhere but here. This life is too much anyway. This world is hopeless. My last bullet… It can take me anywhere but here. 

The door swings in a few inches and the rifle falls to the floor. I’m forced to use my hands and feet to push as hard as I can.

I just need a second!

I hold myself against the door as I reach down and pull up the rifle again. The barrel is cooler this time when the skin under my jaw presses against the metal. My thumb finds the trigger again.

Can I do this to myself? I didn’t come here ready to die. 

I close my eyes to embrace the bullet. Anywhere but here.

Boom!

The shot is deafening, but I feel no heat, no pain, just as I expected. However, I am still very conscious. How?

Boom! Boom! Boom!

The door becomes still as the greyskins stop pushing against it. My eyes travel to the trigger and I realize that I haven’t even attempted to pull it. I set the gun on the ground and sit on my knees, staring through the broken glass in the door. There are at least five men, raiders probably. No doubt they heard my shots and came running in here to see what I’ve looted.

They will be sorely disappointed. 

My heart is pounding as I watch them take out the entire first floor of greyskins with such grace as though they did this every day. I suddenly realize that they are going to find me, so I might as well let them know I am here without them mistaking me as a greyskin.

“Help!” I yell out. I set my gun on the ground and raise my hands in the air. I can hear the footsteps of greyskins both coming up and down the stairs. “Help!” I yell out again.

The door in front of me swings open and two men burst through. “Get on the floor!” the first one yells. I lie flat and press my cheek against the cold floor as more shots ring out and they blow the heads off the greyskins coming up and down the stairs.