Afterwards the guilt had been terrible. It had swallowed her up whole for months. She still thought about him whenever April came around with its cherry blossom and tulips, still remembered the warm, milky solidity of his small body. Wondered if she had made a mistake. Told herself she probably had. It was why she had been so determined, so dogged that she would be the best mother ever, second time around with Stanley and Harry. But seeing them growing up milestone by milestone – first teeth and first words, crawling and then walking – only compounded her feelings of shame, reminding her of what she had missed by giving Leon away.

What was done was done, she reminded herself now, motionless in the driver’s seat of her car as other vehicles zoomed by. She couldn’t change what had happened even if she wanted to – and now that she’d told Lorna and Roy her secret, there would be no more denial or pretending. She’d given them Leon’s birth date and the name of the hospital, details that would hopefully act as signposts if they went looking for him. It was up to them now.

Rain started pattering against the roof, leaving thin diagonal streaks across the windscreen. She felt very far away from the rest of the world all of a sudden, a small sad satellite spinning alone in the darkness. Mack had been kind when she had eventually told him about Leon, but she hadn’t exactly picked the best moment. In truth, she hadn’t ever intended to let him know the story at all, but then he’d come with her to her initial midwife booking-in appointment and when asked, ‘Is this your first pregnancy?’ she’d had to apologetically correct him when he’d enthusiastically answered ‘Yes!’ on her behalf. Which was something of a giveaway.

A moment passed and then Olivia switched on her phone and started scrolling through her photos. The boys in the bath, with flannels on their heads. A party tea, where they were wearing red and purple paper crowns, Stanley with both fists pumped excitedly in the air. Harry lying on his side on the living-room carpet, playing with his trains. She had never taken a picture of Leon, she thought in sorrow. Her dad had gently suggested it after the birth, but Olivia had said no because the thought was too weird and she’d naively hoped she would be able to forget all about him, although of course that had been impossible. On reflection, it had been the wrong decision. Yet another wrong decision!