He leans over the desk and sets his arms on the papers piled on it and looks at me carefully. I feel my blood pulsing but I do not glance away. He looks as if he is trying to give me a message like It’s okay: I can tell him anything and if I just tell him now he won’t be mad. Behind him through the window the silver sky burns so brightly it silhouettes a leafless branch right outside the window. Across the courtyard stands the gray abbey, its stone walls streaked below the gutters with black stains that resemble mascara tears. Above its roof the green top of a sycamore glows, ablaze with sunlight.

No, I don’t have problems with my brother.

He frowns and looks down at some papers and straightens them and examines a sheet. The times he has been over to the house for family parties he has always been cheerful and talkative and would come over whenever he saw me sitting alone in a corner or in front of the TV, to keep me company. Now, his expression looks very serious.

Then the only explanation I can think of, Gabe, is that you’re slipping. You are getting lazy.

I do not tell him I spent three hours last night trying to concentrate on the homework pages. I do not tell him about how my mother and I ate dinner alone last night and did not say a single word. That it is she, not my brother, who is mostly on my mind these days.

I’m sorry, sir.

Don’t be sorry with me, Gabe. It’s your poor mother who’s going to be so disappointed. He shakes his head. You’d think she’d had enough to handle with your brother, but I didn’t ever think she’d have to worry about dealing with you.

Sir?

He looks up again.

Yes. Do you have anything to say for yourself, Gabe?

He looks as if he expects me to offer some excuse that he will either have to belittle or accept, but he seems hopeful.

Please don’t tell my mom.

He frowns and shakes his head but he thinks for a long moment and then tells me he will call my Aunt Jessica in first and I can go. He says this looking down at his papers and does not look up again and I stand and leave the room.

III