I frowned as he spoke because he was telling the absolute truth, but still the frustration bubbled up. “Okay, let’s say it’s true. Let’s say I do like him, what am I going to do with that, Nesto? I have literally spent the last ten years of my life studying and writing about how the system that Easton works every day to uphold is weaponized to keep people like me in chains. How do I reconcile that?” I gripped my hands together and pressed them to my chest, my voice strained when I finally spoke. “I mean really, I’m asking, because I have no fucking clue how to do that.”

Nesto sighed and looked at me like I was too fucking difficult to deal with this early on a Monday.

“I don’t know, pa.” Nesto exhaled, deflated, because in the end he knew my struggle all too well. When he spoke, the frustration was all gone, and all that was left was a kindness and understanding that was somehow even harder to hear. “I got no pearls of wisdom to bestow upon you. All I know is, life is too fucking short—and frankly fucked up—to dismiss someone who makes you happy out of hand, just because your jobs put you at odds. I mean what do you really even know about Easton? Other than he’s fine as fuck and a generally pleasant guy.” He was ticking his fingers at this point. “And that he can obviously work his dick in a way that totally does it for you.”

I rolled my eyes at that and Nesto chuckled, holding up his hands to concede some kind of point.

“I know you’re gonna keep agonizing over this, and I understand it’s more than your jobs being at odds. Being with a man like Easton feels like compromising. I get that. I know it’s not anything to take lightly. So take your time and do what you need to. But just chill out a little, okay? Let your guard down for once. Some people are worth sacrificing certain things for.”

The beatific look on his face let me know Nesto was probably talking about Jude again. They’d worked hard at their relationship and their devotion for each other was plain to see. Getting together hadn’t been easy for them either. Jude had a hard past, which had made the early stages in their relationship complicated, and Nesto almost let his workaholic ways ruin things for them, but they’d powered through it. Nesto had the life he always dreamed of.

He knew what he was talking about.

I dipped my head, acknowledging he had a point. “I know certain people are. I appreciate you understanding that things are complicated and I will try to take your advice and let my guard down a bit.” I shoved my hands into the pockets of my slacks, still conflicted. “At the moment, I’m not feeling ready though. I need more time to get my bearings here, get a feel for my department and the fuckery I’m sure is happening there. So Easton will just have to be on hold for now.”