“It was the water,” he says. “It’s always the water. I looked out the window at the Pacific and could see them playing in the waves. It—” He stops, taking a deep breath. “It wasn’t the first time I’ve seen them drown, but it doesn’t ever get easier, that part of it. I saw them get pulled under and disappear. And, like my therapist told me to, I let myself see them rise up together, inside the magical canoe from Orman as it broke the waves, sailing out to sea. But this time the canoe broke beneath them and they drowned again. Twice in less than five minutes.”

I rub his wrist with my thumb. There’s nothing to say.

“The only thing I could think, standing at that window, was how I was about to give away the last parts of them I have, the last story, the last everything. I would have to say good-bye to Orman, but also good-bye to them. I couldn’t visit them in the forests or castles again, couldn’t drop in when I felt lonely or sad or … or…” He releases another huff of angry air. “God, aren’t authors supposed to have all the words?” He tries to force a laugh, but it comes out more like a sob.

“Broken?” I offered. “You couldn’t go to them when you felt broken anymore.”

He nods, a short decisive tick. “Yes, Amelia. Broken.”

We sit together in brokenness for a while. The wind chimes are tugging at my vocal cords, asking me to speak, and like all those years ago when Jenna found me outside of Downtown Books, I say the first thing that comes to mind.

“Jenna wanted me to be an English professor,” I say. “She had it all planned. Like, on a poster board and everything. We would go to the same schools, take the same electives and basic classes together.… She labeled it ‘The Master Plan’ and kept it in her room, where anyone could see.”

Nolan leans forward, running a hand along Emily’s stone. “And you don’t want to be a professor?”

I bunch my knees to my chest and lightly bang my forehead against them. “I don’t know,” I mumble. “I have no idea.”

“So, don’t,” he says. “Be something else. Be whatever you want to be.”

“But how am I supposed to know what that is? Everyone else seems to know already. They’re premed or engineering majors or marine biologists or something with an actual title. I just want to read books or take pictures or find the world’s best ham sandwich.… How can any of those things be made into a career?”