“Oh, no, no, no. Nothing like that. This is good news! Trisha told me not to tell you yet, but the paperwork just came across my desk, and I can’t resist. Trisha and I are funding a college scholarship in Jenna’s name.”

I trip on one of the larger rocks and almost fall into the water. His comment about school has come from the sky, a meteor given my exact coordinates so it can take me out. Is this Jenna’s way of making sure I go through with the original plan?

“That’s a great idea,” my mouth says. I turn my head when I hear the boathouse door open. Nolan half raises his arm in an awkward wave and I can’t help but smile. I point at my phone and hold up my index finger in the universal signal for One more minute—also the universal signal for I’m hoping this will be over quickly, but it might last a millennium.

“What do you think, Amelia?” Mr. Williams asks.

I’ve tuned out a moment too long. I turn back to the lake, hoping to piece together enough information so it’s not totally obvious I haven’t been listening. “I’m not sure,” I say. “What do you think?”

There’s a longish pause before he says, “Do you forget to think sometimes, too?”

Metallic guilt seeps into my mouth and fills my nostrils with its brutish scent. I know exactly what Mark is talking about—the curtain of hurt that can block out the sounds of whales and anger and everything in between—except, in this moment, I’m not obsessing over Jenna’s absence. But Mark is, and I could at least pay attention.

“I’m sorry,” I say. “Can you repeat that last bit?”

“The scholarship in Jenna’s name? We would like you to be the first official recipient. We…” He pauses and I hear him blowing his nose. “This is what Jenna would want, for you to live out your dreams of pursuing a life in academia.”

What Jenna would want.

I search for the clever wind, but it’s nowhere to be found.

It feels like everything in the world is pressing in on me. The air is heavy and immovable, the pebbles and water convening to strangle my feet as Nolan’s eyes burn holes into my back.

“Thank you,” I tell Mark. “I don’t know what to say.”

An acceptance. I’ve just implicitly accepted his offer. Another manacle ensnares my ankle. I tell myself it’s good. I should be thanking my lucky stars that the Williamses are going to fund it all in Jenna’s name.