If Bren had done that? Cheated on me to end things so she could force herself to touch another guy to help save her mom? I couldn’t. Bren would never do that. She’d knife the guy, opting to go to prison instead. That was more Bren. Whoring herself? That wasn’t Bren, but if she’d been in a position where she had to do that?

I felt filleted right then and there. A knife taken to my stomach, one deep clean line from left to right and all my insides were spilling out. Add to that sensation a shit ton of murderous urges—gutting the guy wouldn’t have cut it. Nothing would take that poison out of me. Cancer. That’s exactly what Jordan has inside of him now.

I got it. I did. I see why Bren moved on the guy. If she hadn’t, Jordan would’ve killed him.

I grimaced, just remembering last night and seeing the unhinged plea in her eyes as she took in what was about to happen.

“Bren went dark last night.”

He swung his head back, blinking at seeing me, as if he forgot I was there.

I didn’t scowl. I didn’t glare. Or frown. None of that, but I said, clearly so he understood, what I was saying, “Don’t make that worthless.”

His face shuttered, and he actually flinched. “Never. I know what she did, but me and Tab. There’s nothing that can be said or done to erase it. Not that, not what she did. I want to kill the guy, feel his blood on my hands, but B did that for me. She did it because she knew she could stop when I wouldn’t have been able to until he was finished. I know what she did. I know we have to watch her, make sure she doesn’t slip back again.”

“Bren’s good. I got her.” I leaned forward, lowering my face, but making sure he was still looking me straight in the eyes. “You figure out what you need. I mean that. Do that for Bren. That’s why she did what she did last night. Any of us, I don’t think any of us would’ve stopped. She did that not just for you or for Tab, but for all of us.”

He nodded. “I know.”

We sat there in silence.

I finished the sandwich. He held his mug, not even drinking his coffee.

I didn’t know the hell he was locked in right now. Jordan wasn’t sharing, but I’d never seen Jordan like this.