It was just there.

A feeling. An underlying dynamic that bristled against me. It was like an allergy, working against me, and that no matter what, I wasn’t like those girls. But Hawk. The girl with the warrior braids, smoky-eye makeup, who sat in a room and talked to me about not being a liability to her family, that girl…she was like me.

She gave me heat, but I shot it back, but even then, I knew that I was like her.

We defied society rules. We fought and survived in the darkness, and somehow, we thrived among it.

Watching Jordan, how he was handling life at college, watching Zellman, even watching Cross—they were happy. And I wasn’t saying that I was unhappy, but I was lost. We were crew, and because of that, they’d been in the darkness with me. We formed out of necessity, and then that bond strengthened into a vow of family. There was no crew system anymore, here or in Roussou. It’d been disbanded. The administration had won, so what did that make us?

We weren’t fighting anymore. That seemed childish, but that world of violence, it was in me.

I was realizing that a part of me needed it. Maybe that’s why Channing sent me to Coug r Lanes. He knew exactly what I would be needing?

Yet, I didn’t know, and stepping inside the grocery store, I didn’t think I’d have it figured it out by tonight.

Coming up behind Jordan and Cross, who were both in the meat section, I skimmed the cart. There was a box of tampons. The brand and size I used.

“B. You want chicken or steak tonight?” Jordan was the one who asked.

Cross was watching me, a bit more intently than normal. He knew I had deep thoughts flowing around in my head, but I replied, “Chicken.”

He grabbed four packages, hefting them into the cart. “You’re low, right?” He was indicating the tampons. I gauged him, but he wasn’t being sarcastic or teasing. It was as if he asked if I wanted to get bread. No big deal.

I had to smile. “Yeah. I’m getting low.”

Cross met my grin with one of his.

Jordan didn’t notice. He was looking at a list. “Okay. I want to do kabobs for the group tonight. So we’ll need skewers and vegetables. Got the meat already.”

I indicated behind us. “I’ll grab the skewers. Vegetables are over there.”

“Got it.” He took off, pushing the cart in front of him.

“You okay with us doing dinner for Jordan’s study group?” Cross had stayed behind.

I shook my head, stepping closer to him. Our hands grazed against each other.