“Well, I don’t feel pain.”

Marvalyn didn’t know how to respond to such a bizarre statement. “What?”

“I can’t feel pain.”

Marvalyn didn’t know what to make of what Steve had just said.

“Okay,” she said, convinced that she had seriously injured this kid. “Listen, I need you to be still, okay? I was gonna be a nurse, so, I know: You’re hurt. You just took a good shot right to the head, and it could be serious. You might have a concussion.”

“No, it’s not serious,” countered Steve. “I don’t think an ironing board could really hurt your head, ’cause, see, ironing boards aren’t on my list of things that can hurt you.” Steve offered Marvalyn his book of THINGS THAT CAN HURT YOU.

“What?” Marvalyn asked, and she tentatively took Steve’s book and read—and pondered—its title.

“Ironing boards aren’t on my list of things that can hurt you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Plus, there’s no blood or discoloration or swelling from where I got hit,” Steve continued, excited to be able to explain his situation to someone. “So, I’m okay.”

“Well, that doesn’t mean—” Marvalyn was going to finish her sentence with, “you’re not hurt,” but she couldn’t, because Steve was still talking.

“And my list is pretty reliable, ’cause my brother Rob is helping me make it, and I can prove it to you!” Steve got up and picked up the ironing board as Marvalyn opened his THINGS THAT CAN HURT YOU book. “See,” continued Steve, approaching Marvalyn from behind, “I bet if I took this ironing board, like this, and hit you with it, that it wouldn’t hurt you,” and, suddenly, Steve thwacked Marvalyn in the back of the head with the flat part of the ironing board and continued making his point as he did so. “See? That didn’t hurt!” he proclaimed.

“Ow!” Marvalyn cried, and she jumped up off the bench and dropped the book of THINGS THAT CAN HURT YOU, rubbing her head with her hands. “Why did you do that?!?” she asked.

“Oh, no,” said Steve, concerned and confused. Marvalyn was hurt. Steve knew this because she had just said, “Ow.” And she seemed to be afraid, because her eyes were wide, and Steve had learned that, when people are afraid, their eyes get wide.

“God, why did you do that?!? What the hell was that?!” Marvalyn seemed more irritated than scared now, because she was realizing that she wasn’t actually hurt. She had just been startled.

“I’m sorry,” said Steve earnestly. “Did that hurt?”

“Yeah! Of course it did!”

“Oh, no! I didn’t think it would.”

“God,” Marvalyn sighed, her irritation subsiding, because this young man seemed truly contrite—and quite harmless.

“I’m really sorry!” cried Steve, picking up his book of THINGS THAT CAN HURT YOU. “See, I didn’t think it would,” he continued, flipping through the book. “See, ironing boards are not on my list of things that can hurt you, but, gosh, maybe they should be on my list, because that ironing board hurt you. And you were afraid it hurt me just a couple minutes ago.”