Isn’t really on your side here (everyonedies) and any operations we could do would only buy you a little more time and it’d be time you wouldn’t enjoy much either
Well you can’t just
I’ll do as I like it’s my life-
But they
They

told me what They told me and that’s that there’s no use getting in a tizz about it-
Mum

Mummummummummummummothermothermothermother mothergrandmothergrandgrandmamumumumumumumu mumumumumumumumumnnnnnn not going to one of those places no matter what you say

but it’s the only place they can I know I’m a burden
You’re not a burden
A burden I’m a burden (everyone dies) a burden that can’t won’t
See it’s not so bad the window looks out onto the lawns there
Yes lovely thank you

never liked gardening gardens flowers don’t understand the appeal an utterly shallow exercise as far as I can see what do you do once you’ve made a garden just sit and stare at it and realise your head’s as empty as it was before
Ah!
AH!

No don’t bring her let her see me in here too much let her think of me in better shape I really

don’t mind David’s here with me
Well let her think that if it helps what am I supposed to
Mum I love you
Mum I love you
I love you, Mum
I love you I love you I love you I love you
I love you I love you I love you

I’m so embarrassed I wish I could tell them to leave and not watch the next bit whatever the next bit is dark
It’s dark

It’s dark

IT’S DARK wetwetnesswetwetmyselfhorribledon’t looknoNONO quiet always quiet here so
quiet
see the corners melting can you

think i had a good life but its hard to tell really i don’t have anything to compare

might have been happier at times but then probably everyone could have
regrets i have regrets (look after your brother) it’s fine to have regrets i’m allowed No Regrets is what people say but that’s a fridge magnet
i think
oh OH there are no edges to anything

driving to work can’t see the sides of the road all slipping away from me i have a new coat stop kissing me and there’s wallpaper on the ceiling on the ceiling it’s so strange there’s red
Red Rushing Close Closer And I can smell mum’s
Jumper
Can’t
hands and hands my hands press pressing
this is all very
red red rushing In Red
Rushing
Rushing
Rushing
Rushing
-

With thanks to The MacDowell Colony, where this was written.

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