By my third go through the alphabet, I felt a lot better, body-wise. The Vicodin had kicked in, and I was able to stand back up. My brain was working a little better, so I figured I had two options for what to do about tampons. The building was half cis women, so I assumed at least some of them got their periods regularly, and they kept supplies on hand. Those supplies were probably in the closet that Makayla kept the key to. So I could ask Makayla. That was option one. Option two was to go look for a pharmacy and hope they still had some hanging around that hadn’t been water-damaged. This was an infinitely preferable option for some reasons, and a worse one for others. If I went looking for tampons on my own, I wouldn’t have to ask anybody, they would be thinking less about my junk, and none of them would decide I was a girl just because I had to deal with this stupid bleeding. However, the stores had been pretty well picked over by then, and it wasn’t very likely I would find something that so many people left in the city needed. And it was getting more dangerous out there by the day, especially for people looting stores for things they needed. Still, the second option was how I wanted to proceed. Definitely.

I tried not to think about the wad of cotton inside me, even though I couldn’t feel it or anything. But it was there, I knew it was, and it freaked me out in a way that’s hard to explain. Did you ever, you know, hurt yourself and everything you do draws your attention back to the part of your body that’s hurt? This was kind of like that, only worse, because I generally do my best to make sure I don’t think about that part of my body at all. It’s a blank space in my mind. Except for moments like now.

My head was a little fuzzy from the Vicodin, but I started rummaging around in my room for the crowbar I hadn’t had to use in a while. I grabbed it and stuffed it into my knapsack. My breathing was normal now, and my heart was only moving a little faster than usual because I had to go raid a pharmacy again, something I hadn’t done in a while. I got my shit together and walked out the door of my apartment, down the stairs, and through the lobby. I could’ve told José or Sebastian. I could’ve asked them to come with me. But I just couldn’t bring myself to.