“Why, though, Evie? Why can’t you try? Do you not like me? Do you not see any possibility of a future? We talk, we laugh, we’re alike in some ways, not in others, which makes it interesting. You’re the smartest woman I know. You’re witty, and you don’t let anyone walk on you, I’ve seen it with the chief. But you’re kind. Everything you do for people on the island, not only bringing them books and helping your mom and aunts make hats for fund-raisers but for saving the people that you do. You love books, you love your animals, you love your family so intensely. You’re so loyal. And yet you’ve got this whole other mysterious part to you, this huge, deep inner life that I find compelling and interesting. I love how you live your life. I love your laugh and your curiosity and your sarcasm. Please try. Try us.”

Why? Why couldn’t I do this? Because I am a flawed, bizarre human being. “I feel scared even thinking about us, Marco. I don’t think I’m meant to be with any man. I don’t even want to leave the island, that’s how isolated I am. I don’t have the confidence to be with you. I don’t have the courage to open myself up like that. And I cannot guarantee that I won’t fail you and get on a boat and you’ll die. I love you. I do. I started falling in love with you that first day I met you in my bookstore. It was instant. It was a miracle. But I also knew we wouldn’t be together.”

He dropped his head in his hands.

Maybe I shouldn’t have told him I loved him. Maybe it hurt him more. It hurt me more to admit it. It certainly was not time to tell him that I had a whole other family. Why add more bizarreness to an already bizarre situation?

I put my hand on his head, then to his shoulders. He didn’t look up when I muffled a cry and walked out my door and off to talk to Shakespeare and Jane Austen about my busted-up heart and my stupid personality, and my lack of bravery.

I saw him leave shortly afterward as I stood in the shadow of the willow tree, Sundance by my side.

I lay on the ground and stared into the tree, utterly miserable.

* * *

I woke up the next morning feeling as if my life had shifted and fallen over a cliff. There were no more pretenses between Marco and me.

It would be my move to make. He would not do so again. He would respect my decision. He was all man, a true gentleman. He would give me space.

I missed him already as if I’d lost a leg and an arm.