“I’m not harassing her at all, but nice try. You step over that line one more time and I’ll arrest you for threatening me.”

“Do it,” Marco said. “I dare you.”

“You’re not going to win, Marco. I will.”

“Evie is not someone to win.”

I’m told that the chief backed down. Marco is well over six feet, has tattoos, and is former military. The chief wasn’t that stupid.

I talked yet again to my mother and aunts and told them to stop selling pot. “Chief Allroy is not here. Chief Ass Burn is and he’s out for me, and he will transfer the anger he has for me to you. You need to shut it down.”

“I am not afraid,” my mother said. She was making a daisy chain from fake daisies for a new hat.

“My soul says I’m at peace,” Aunt Camellia said. She was trying to knit. She was terrible at it but smiled at whatever she was making anyhow. It poked out in circles on two sides and looked like a small bottom. I tilted my head. Was she making underwear for a misshapen bottom?

“If he comes on our property, I will run him over,” Aunt Iris said. “We can bury the body in the pond. Or under the rocks under momma’s bridge. More pie, Evie? I know chocolate cream is your favorite.”

I did have another slice of chocolate cream pie, but only because high-quality chocolate is healthy for you. Everyone knows that.

* * *

“I’m compiling my honeymoon wardrobe,” Jules said. We were on Skype about midnight on Thursday. I was in bed with Sundance, Mars, and Ghost. “What do you think?”

I stared at what she held up for her “honeymoon wardrobe.” It was all lingerie, by Lace, Satin, and Baubles in Portland. Fluffy. Sexy. Silky. Made for love and passion. “Are you planning on going out at all?”

“What?” She pulled a red lacy nightgown over her blue tank top and shorts to show me. “Look at this one!”

“It’s very pretty, but all you have is lingerie. I know Mack has a surprise destination honeymoon for you. But you’ll probably be going out, too. So you are planning on bringing real clothes, right? Dresses? Jeans? Shorts?”

She giggled. “I don’t know. I’ll have an outfit for the plane ride, and I can wear the same one back. Oh, wait! He says we’re going someplace hot, so I also brought my bikinis!” She held three up.

I had tried! “Looks like you’re set.”