The months spent at Wand seemed to me one long siesta during which I endeavored not to think. The princess had not wanted me to interrupt my concerts, and so I went off to give a number of them in large German towns. There I found myself confronted with familiar temptations, but they constituted mere incidents. My return to Wand erased even the memory of them; once again I used my terrifying ability to forget. The life of people in society is restricted on the surface to a few agreeable, or at least proper, ideas. It is not even hypocrisy; one simply avoids alluding to whatever would be shocking if expressed. They are quite aware that humiliating realities exist, but they live as if they were not subject to them. It is as if one took one’s clothing for one’s body. To be sure, I was incapable of so crude an error: I had seen myself naked. What I did, however, was to close my eyes. I was not happy at Wand before you arrived; I was merely dormant. Then you came. Nor was I really happy once you were there. I only imagined the existence of happiness. It was like a summer afternoon’s dream.

Before you got there, I knew everything about you that one knows about a young woman—that is to say, not much, and only little things. I had been told that you were very beautiful, that you were wealthy and highly accomplished. No one had told me how kind you were; the princess either was unaware of it or else kindness was for her a superfluous attribute: she thought charm was enough. Many young women are very beautiful; many are also wealthy and highly accomplished; but I had no reason to be interested in all that. Do not be surprised, my dear, that so many descriptions should have been to no avail. In the depths of every perfect being there is something unique which discourages praise. The princess wanted me to admire you in advance, and I therefore assumed that you were less simple than you are. Up to that point, it had not displeased me to play the role of a very modest, retiring guest at Wand. But with you there, it seemed as though they were determined to make me shine. I knew well that I was incapable of that, and new faces always intimidated me. If it had been up to me alone, I should have left before your arrival; but that was impossible. I understand now the motive of the prince and princess for detaining me. I unhappily had around me two old people desirous of providing me with happiness.