Mom has already ordered a round of drinks for the table, and after the day I’ve had it feels earned.

Oliver readjusts his seat and I smell just the faint waft of nicotine, or I think I do.

“Have you…have you been smoking?” I say. Oliver hasn’t smoked in years.

He looks at me.

“Just the one,” he says. “I…I’ve been really stressed lately, Gill. It’s not going to become a habit, don’t worry.”

Stressed about what, I don’t ask. And then: Maybe Hannah Feldman smokes, a nasty voice says before I can push it away.

“Gill…” Oliver says. “I’m sorry about how things ended up last night. I know you meant what you said.”

I glance across the table at Mom and Sam, who, for right now, are occupied in conversation. But Oliver and I can’t talk in undertones like this all night.

“But,” Oliver goes on, “I just don’t really feel able to resolve all this right now. There’s just so much going on. I don’t think I can really deal with this too.”

I swallow. What’s to deal with? I’ve told him that I can’t not do this. We can afford it, if we make the effort. But he’s making it sound like there’s this big decision weighing on his shoulders and it’s all down to him. I take a long gulp of prosecco.

“Well,” I murmur to Oliver, “I don’t feel able to not resolve it, so it sounds like we have a problem.”

He sighs.

“Gill…it’s New Year’s Eve. Can we just take it easy for tonight? Can we just try?”

I look at him, his shirt and blazer and tired eyes.

“We can try,” I nod, and he leans in to kiss me.

When he does, I smell smoke.

*

The food is good, Mom’s buoyant, and even Sam appears happier than this afternoon. I get the sense that after all, maybe he’s happier not to have to go home just yet. It’s probably easier to pretend that things with his mom are under control if he doesn’t have to be in the Westchester house without her.

Mom is wide-eyed as she hears about Dennis’s flight cancellation.

“My, how dramatic,” she says, and I see Oliver glance at me. He’s not impressed by the delay, and I can see it grates on him that for Mom, it apparently adds to Dennis’s exotic charm.

“Can I stay up to watch the ball drop when we get home?” Sam says, and I figure why not. Given how all over the place everything feels right now, sticking to bedtime doesn’t seem like a huge priority for tonight.