“Thank you, dear.” She takes the napkin from him. “This is rather sticky.”

She turns to me in what I guess is an attempt to change the subject.

“I’m going to visit your dad after this. If you want to come along.”

Mom is always inviting me to go to the gravesite with her, and I rarely do. The truth is, I don’t like how it feels there. I understand that it should feel peaceful, and like I’m closer to Dad in some way, but the reality is it just makes me feel sad and raw. It bothers me how Mom seems to have come to terms with his death while I haven’t. She already speaks about Dad with the easy fondness of someone used to his absence.

“I’d like to come,” Sam says, surprising us both.

“Well, if you’re sure, Sam,” Mom says. “That would be lovely.”

So once Mom finishes her coffee and Sam has gorged himself on more sugary breakfast items than I thought a person could, they head out to her car. Sam takes forever just lacing up his shoes but Mom waits serenely—another way in which she’s apparently mellowed since Abigail and I were kids.

“You’re sure you won’t join us, Gillian?”

“No, I have some jobs to get done here.”

Jobs like moping around the house. I guess at least my anger at my sister is giving me something of a break from the anger at my own body, which is basically all I’ve been feeling for days.

I watch Mom pull out of the driveway and find myself calling Dinah. The florist shop where she works is busy during the holiday season, but sometimes she takes an early lunch break.

“Hey Gill.” I hear the cling as she leaves the shop and goes out onto the street. “How’s it going—how are things with Sam?”

“I don’t know, he’s pretty…withdrawn, to be honest. But it’s been ages since I’ve spent any real time with him, Dinah. I don’t know. Maybe that’s just how he is these days. He’s ten now. I just wish I knew him better, you know?”

“Ten is a hard age,” she says. “I’m not looking forward to when Josie hits it. It’ll be all cliques and sleepovers and tears, believe me.”

I know she’s trying to cheer me up, she’s good at that. But today it’s not quite working.