But after a while, we manage to order, and a faint sense of normalcy starts to creep in. Lorna asks Mom about the flight, and Mom asks Lorna about the Floridian climate. And then, after a while, we start to talk about Dad. I can tell Mom and Lorna both want to, and not just because he’s safe ground. It’s like together, they can re-create the whole of him. Soon they’re telling stories about him, trading them back and forth. The two of them are dry-eyed, but across the table I see Abigail’s tearing up. Sam joins in with Mom and Lorna, offering little stories about things Dad said and did during his summer visits.

There’s a little respite from the conversation when the food comes out. Sam tucks into his and loudly endorses Lorna’s choice of restaurant, and then for a few seconds everyone focuses on their plates.

“He visited you, didn’t he?” Mom says then. I look up and so does Abigail, wide-eyed. We all look at Mom, then Lorna.

“Dad?” Abigail says.

Lorna tilts her head yes, and looks embarrassed.

“It wasn’t often, you know. Every few years, maybe—in the early days, at least. The last few years I hadn’t seen him at all. His back, you know—he didn’t much like getting on planes. I think he had this idea that it would hurt you, Gloria—knowing that he was making those trips.” She sighs. “I don’t know why. I always thought he should tell you.”

Mom smiles, bittersweet.

“I thought so. I remember years ago, every now and again there’d be some weekend trip that he’d try to explain away. He never was a very good liar.”

I’m startled. It’s one thing hearing about Mom’s secrets, but it’s another hearing about Dad’s. Because he was such a soft, guileless person; and because he’s gone, and now we can’t ask him about them.

“I know he always felt a little guilty about me,” Lorna says. “He shouldn’t have. I never did want the life he wanted for me.”
   I think about that. Dad, the family man. It was everything in the world to him, being able to come home to his wife and kids; he was domestic through and through. No wonder he thought Lorna’s bohemian life—no partner, no kids—wasn’t a happy one. I think again how, while she’s clearly so pleased and curious and gratified to have met Abigail and Sam, she doesn’t seem consumed by thoughts of what might have been, or like she’s aching to get those years of motherhood back. I glance over at my sister, wondering if she sees what I see and how it feels.