She had always sought solace here, the rows of gleaming products offering respite, for a moment or two, from whatever was going on in her world, but this morning she found herself staring longingly, realising so many delicacies were off limits, imprisoned behind their shiny glass counters, while she was pregnant. It was strange, really, since she was certain she wouldn’t be pregnant for too long, that she nevertheless felt a deep sense that it wouldn’t be right to eat those things while she carried a tiny human in her body. As much as she kept reminding herself the baby existed only on a microscopic cellular level, her brain had begun attributing characteristics to it. There’s a baby in your uterus, it whispered. You’re growing a tiny human. Hormones, she reasoned. Worst of all was her mother’s voice, even louder than last time, saying It’s a blessing. Of all people, Nina’s mother knew how this felt, didn’t she? She’d fallen pregnant by accident and, luckily for Nina, she’d kept her baby. You were a blessing to me, her mother had often said. But Nina didn’t feel blessed. Nina felt conflicted.

She glided along the aisles, looking up foods and recipes, picking up items and putting them back. No pâté, no prosciutto, no shellfish, no Camembert or Roquefort. Some foods were on a maybe list but came with warnings, like sushi, rendering them banned. No wonder, she thought idly, as she replaced some rich dark chocolate (Don’t forget that chocolate counts as caffeine too! No more than 200mg of caffeine a day is probably safe), that women lost themselves in motherhood when this kind of conditioning and restricting oneself from pleasure began in pregnancy.

She couldn’t identify anything troubling in croissants and pastries and she also bought a small jar of okay-looking decaf coffee, which she’d try to make when Jules wasn’t looking. She hated lying to Jules – and Alice – but how could she break Jules’s heart? How could she tell her that she’d fallen pregnant by accident? While using a condom? She didn’t understand how that had happened herself. She knew how much Jules had scaled back her life since her fertility problems. The careful trimming of her female friends from university and work and her West London set. It wasn’t because she was jealous, it was simply too painful. And Nina couldn’t bear to bring her friend more pain, especially when she was unlikely to keep the baby.

Unlikely to keep the baby… it was strange how something that seemed so certain on Thursday evening was now admitting another possibility. Her work was flexible and she made enough money for childcare. One child wouldn’t scupper all her travel plans, surely. In fact, in some ways, it might be… fun? She rubbed her eyes with her thumb and index finger, trying to conjure a vision of herself with a child. A little boy perhaps, with long hair like Flynn, or a girl, with his big brown eyes and…