“Got it.” Inga turned. “You’re still up three siddars, Tal.”

Talina watched the woman charge down the bar to where Hofer was bellowing, “Whiskey, by God, for me and my friends!”

“I really ought to walk down there and tell that prick either to put a stopper in it, or I’ll toss his ass out in the street.”

Shig glanced down to where Hofer was slapping Montoya on the back. “I’ve seen him worse. Or are you just looking for an excuse to feed your tamas?”

“Oh, I’ve got plenty of rage.” She gave him a weary smile. “I just wish I could beat myself up. I never even gave Dek a chance. Should have told him, ‘Why, Dek, if you’re worried about Demon taking over your mind and body, I can fill you full of ‘friendly’ TriNA. Stuff that works for me. You know, really jack you up so that you’ll never have a ghost’s chance in hell of fitting in with real human beings again. Make you as much of a freak as I am.’”

“Talina, you always take more on yourself than—”

“But, fuck no, Shig. As a screw-you to Demon, I bent down and pumped as much Rocket and Rork TriNA as I could into the guy’s mouth. Never gave him a chance. So, what does that make me? A rapist? Same result. Just used saliva instead of semen.”

“Talina, you—”

“I’m guilty, Shig. Just like Tambuco. Remember him? You put a bullet in his head for raping Angie Feister. Want my pistol? Might as well shoot me right here in front of everyone. Set the precedent for tongue rape.”

She felt the self-loathing build.

Demon hissed, “Yesss. Reap your reward, killer.”

If it hadn’t been Demon, she might have agreed with the thing.

“It was the only logical thing to do,” Rocket insisted from her shoulder.

Talina closed her eyes, leaned forward, rubbed her face. “I really hate quetzals.”

Shig lifted his wine, touched it to his lips. Set the glass back on the bar, looking just as full. “Talina, if you would listen to me instead of wallowing in self-pity and dukkha, we are all feeling our way here. So is Dek. Unlike the day when you were infected in that canyon out in the Blood Mountains, Dek chose his Tao knowing full well where it would lead. That he made the choice he did was partly based on Kylee and his fascination with Donovan, but it was partly based on you. He admired the way you and Kylee kept him, Kalico, and Muldare alive out in the bush. He worships you, you know. Me, I think the man would do anything to earn your respect.”

“Oh, shit, Shig. He’s got it. For soft meat, crawling out of that canyon—”