And I could not see, in truth, that I owed it to him to explain. I think that was because I no longer saw him; after all this time what I had assumed was real about my life had turned out to be a mask and a charade, a play in which I performed, admirably on rare occasions, but without truth. It was not his fault; it was no one’s fault, not even my own, as far as I could see. I had been confused, too willing, without purpose, but now I was filled with strength. No, it was never Stephen’s fault; it had nothing to do with him. Nothing had anything to do with him, although he would not be able to understand that, and so it was best not to explain.

I was impatient; I wanted to be gone, out of this baffling place where the children and Stephen were just shadows, demanding that I be one of them when I could not. The cabin and the land were in me now, the confusion gone. The vision was both pastel and vivid, a lingering impression, stark and comforting. The place seemed to me to have great strength, and I borrowed on that so that I was strong too, and very practical and efficient.

I called Mr. Chapman as soon as everyone had gone the next morning. I kissed them all and wished them to have a good day, the way I always did, and none of them seemed to notice. The newspaper lay on the table where Stephen had left it after breakfast, but I didn’t need it any more; I put it in the garbage, cleared away the breakfast dishes and went to the telephone. It was not so difficult, I thought, using it. Or being devious in the cause of something needed. I was hard, because nothing must go wrong.

“It’s Abra Phillips, Mr. Chapman,” I said. I could hear a dim clatter of machinery in the background, and thought of him at his desk, gray and thin, working to show a profit in his dry cleaning business. “You showed me the cabin property yesterday. I’m interested, but I think we should talk about price.” My voice was steady, brisk. I knew what I was doing now.

“You mean your husband’s seen it already?” He was surprised.

“No, he hasn’t, but he said he’d accept my judgement. He suggested I handle it and put it in my name.” This was the weak area, where I had to lie because I was vulnerable. A woman trying to do business on her own would be doubted and checked; I wanted to imply that Stephen was involved, and then I hurried past the point.