"You must see that I can't drag you along and say to her, 'Look, this is Kate. I'm so much in love with her that we can't bear to be parted for three days.' I don't think she ever even heard about it. Besides," Erika said practically, "we haven't got any money."

Kate looked away. "There's no reason I can't stay alone for a few days. I'll clean the apartment while you're gone."

"I'll leave the phone number. You can call me every evening."

"I'll be all right as long as you love me."

Erika cupped her chin in a gentle hand. "Darling, don't depend on me so much. It makes me happy, but that's a selfish happiness and I fight it in myself. I want you to be strong and free, to be somebody in yourself. If anything happens, I want you to be all right." She shook her head. "Don't ask me what can happen. An illness, a train wreck, anything."

"I'd die if anything happened to you."

"No you wouldn't. You would go on living for both of us."

"Sentimental."

Erika hugged her. "So this is Tuesday. I go on Friday after school and you can get along all right until Monday night, no? The sooner I go the sooner I'll be home again."

Kate snuggled closer. "I'll be fine," she said. Her lips felt stiff and cold. "I’ll wash all the woodwork and the tiles in the bathroom. How do people get so involved with each other, for God's sake?"

"I don't know. Are you sorry?"

"You're the best thing that ever happened to me."

"Then I'm glad," Erika said. She took Kate's hand in her own and began to stroke her arm gently. "I'm not going to ask you to make any promises, I don't ever want to do that. But if something goes wrong for you, will you remember how much I love you?"

"And when I get back, we'll celebrate."

"How?"

Erika pulled her closer, making a place against her shoulder for Kate's head. "It's funny," Kate said, "I'm taller than you are, but my head exactly fits your shoulder."

"We belong together."

"How will we celebrate?"

"Oh," Erika said, smiling. "We’ll think of something. Anything you want, any way you want it."

Kate shut her eyes. "I wish it was Monday night right now," she said in a whisper. "I wish you didn't have to go."

CHAPTER 22

She drew a red circle around Monday's date on the kitchen calendar and stood scowling at it as though ft were an enemy. The room was too quiet. There was a single used cup in the sink. In the closet Erika's warm coat hung beside her slacks and shirts, with empty hangers between. The clock on the bedside table ticked slowly.

Damn, Kate thought. She-picked up the dishtowel she had tossed on the drainboard, hung it on its hook and looked around the neat little kitchen. There was nothing to do. Even Erika couldn't have put things in better order. The window sills and baseboards shone damply. Tomorrow I'll get at the windows, she promised herself. That's a good hard job and takes lots of time.