If Lala was in this situation, I wondered what my girl would do. She wouldn’t take these accusations from Steve, even if they were true.

I followed him yesterday. It wasn’t the first time. I got excited watching my boyfriend when he didn’t expect it. Sometimes while he was in the shower I’d open the door and stick my eye in the crack, watch him as he hummed Metallica and washed his ass crack, played with himself a little. Or during the night when I had a hard time sleeping and he’d be snoring away. His eyelids fluttering as I’d imagine his dreams. I’d kiss him lightly on the lips and inhale his sour breath.

And then a few weeks ago when I heard him on the phone with Tawny. It was at his place and I was listening from outside his door in the hallway. A neighbor had been nice enough to buzz me in. “It’s a surprise,” I said, “so don’t tell him. Ssshh.” And then I planted myself with a cup flush against my ear while he told Tawny how great she was. How she’d helped so much with the books. How she was calming when things at work had gotten really hectic. But did he mention my name? Noooooooo. I waited to hear about his beautiful girlfriend Lexi with hair like a horse’s mane, silky and smooth, and a body with just the right amount of plump he liked to grab. Tawny was a matchstick with legs. Fuck her and break her in two.

But was I even a thought that day? Nope. So, the next time he was over and playing with his phone, I watched carefully to see his password. I have perfect vision so it wasn’t hard. He got up to go to the bathroom and take a dump. I knew that because he shut the door and when he only pisses, he leaves it ajar. So while he squeezed out a deuce, I swiped that phone and read as much as I could. Every email to Tawny, although they all were about business-related things. Fine, so he wasn’t stupid enough to put his infidelities in the cloud. That didn’t make him innocent. And now that I knew his passcode…

“Lex, yoohoo, come back to Earth,” he said.

I was staring at the TV, but I wasn’t watching. I knew he would accuse me of caring more about Lala and Scheana’s relationship than I did about ours. That’s not true, I wanted to yell. I care about you so much that I went into your phone. That’s love.

“I think we should break up.”

That got my attention. There was a bowl on the coffee table filled with coins and keys, and I picked it up, ready to hurl.

“Whoa, whoa,” Steve said, waving his arms. “Calm down, girl.”