Randy Jessup’s features darkened to the color of an infected pecker sore. “That kinda crudeness will not be tolerated in this house.”

A heavy hand laid across the back of my head so hard it made my ankles buckle. I busted my elbows and knees on the tile, and electric pulses emanated from my funny bone. I rolled over onto my ass before anyone could touch me and sat at Cody Eli’s feet. The big sonuva bitch looked down at me with a crooked grin and made me laugh.

I looked over at the preacher and said, “You know I went to high school with both the Elis? They were a grade behind me, and we ran with the same group of friends. We didn’t never say nothing to their face because we didn’t wanna hurt their feelings, but we all thought they were retarded.”

Cody’s grin fell limp, and his fat jowls drooped with his frown.

“There was this one girl Cody liked, but she wouldn’t never go on a date with him. Don’t know if you ever knew why, Cody, but Beth Anne said you didn’t have enough brains to get your pecker hard.”

Cody roared like a wounded boar and lunged after me but not fast enough. I drop kicked him between the legs. My aim was a little off, and the toe of my boot only grazed his ball sack, but it was enough to send him tumbling into the preacher. They fell into a pew so hard it slid across the floor, banging into the one in front of it, and they fell in a heap.

Cory came back inside before my feet could reach the foyer. My presence startled him—he jerked the door to and twisted the lock. Cody and the preacher fell over each other as they tried to stand. Cory charged forward like a pissed-off defensive lineman, trying to blindside me. I made a rush for the door, but he twirled around on his bootheel and caught me, I stumbled back, tripped over a potted plant, caught myself on a chair, but Cory flipped me over. I hit the floor so hard it took a minute before I realized I wasn’t dead.

I looked up to see Randy Jessup standing over me. He clenched his jaw so tight the muscles flexed from the side of his face. “The Lord is the only thing keeping my wrath at bay right now, friend. You’ve been a thorn in my side from the moment I set eyes on you, and if it were up to me, I’d let the Elis break your bones. The Lord is telling me to reflect on your situation. I’m going to trust in Him, but if you don’t change, then I’ll beseech the Lord to let me handle you the way I see fit.”

Randy Jessup waved a hand and the Elis grabbed me. “Take him to the basement and let him spend the night in the box.”

8.

The Elis hauled me to the basement steps like a piece of garbage they meant to toss on a bonfire. When we made it to the door, Cory let go of my legs to twist the knob, and I looked back at Cody and said, “You know what, hoss? Beth Anne never really cared how smart you was. The reason you never got no more than a hand job from her is because she said the only hole on her whole body your pecker was big enough to tease was her belly button.”