I can’t deny that this unexpected new plan has its appeal. The thought of Molly living in state, coming home with her laundry on weekends, having Sunday dinner with us, draws me in. Yes, I think, yes, that could work, after all.

Still…

Over at the vending machines, Travis has scored a Coke and a bag of Cheetos. He’s chatting up the young mom with the two little kids.

Molly sees me rallying a defense. “A college degree… I can get that anytime—anywhere—I want.”

“That’s what I used to think.”

“But Travis. There’s only one of him. There are a lot of ways to get a college degree but there’s only one Travis.”

“And if he loves you, he’ll love the dream you’re going after.”

“If he loves me, he can’t stand to be without me. He spent a whole week’s pay to fly out here, even.”

I bite my tongue to keep from expressing my opinion of that. Long ago, I had rationalizations of my own that sounded eerily similar to Molly’s. What if she makes the choice I made? “Sweetie, you’re so young. Let yourself be young instead of closing all those doors.”

“I can be young with Travis.” As though reading my mind, she adds, “It’s exactly what you did, Mom. You went for love and look how your life turned out. It’s wonderful. You and Dad are wonderful. You focused on what’s important.”

This is what I’ve taught her. I’ve modeled it for her. Go for the love, every time. It’s surprising—and admittedly gratifying—that she looks at Dan and me and thinks we’re wonderful together. I hope like hell we are.

Yet her insistence on choosing this path still sits poorly with me. Travis is…just so damn young. He’s a good enough kid, from a nice enough family, but he can be careless with Molly’s feelings, though I’ve never pointed that out for fear of starting an argument.

Maybe Dan was that way, too, and I never noticed because I was crazy about him. Now, years later, I sometimes catch myself wondering, what could I have done, who could I have been, if I’d gone for the big life instead of the big love?

Am I making Molly live the life I missed out on? Is that fair to her?

I gather in a deep breath of courage. “I don’t want to force you into a decision. If you stick to the original plan and it turns out badly, you’ll never forgive me. I’ll never forgive myself. You call the shots, Moll. I’ll support you, no matter what.”

“Really? You’re not just saying that?”

Maybe. No, I mean it. Molly’s life is her own now.

“I mean it.”

I feel her strength and determination. She goes to find Travis.