“Because I have some exciting things going on at the moment, and I can’t make the commitment to rehearsals.” Eager to extract herself from the conversation as swiftly as possible, she chose a sourdough loaf and handed over her credit card. “But do give my love to everyone.”

Feeling a little sick, she left the bakery and walked along the street, her mind clouded by the past. There had been times early on when she’d worried about the impact of her own divorce on Milly, of course, but she’d been too busy holding everything together to dwell on it. She couldn’t change the fact that David had chosen to abandon his daughter, but was there something she could have done differently? Better?

Part of motherhood seemed to be adjusting to living in a permanent state of guilt.

She was frustrated with herself for letting Paula’s comments affect her so deeply. Just because another person said something didn’t mean it was true.

But now the niggle of worry was there, and she couldn’t remove it.

Her mother was right to be concerned that Connie had put everything on hold so that she could help Milly, and she needed to do something about that. But it was obvious to her now that she couldn’t go back to the things she’d been doing before. People knew too much about her and her situation.

She paused outside the library, scanning the notices in the window. Some of them had been there for so long they’d been faded by the sun.

Babysitter needed.

Gardener for hire.

Dog walker available.

It was all the usual things, including an ad for the hiking group her mother enjoyed so much.

Connie loved the fells and enjoyed being outdoors, but as much as she loved her mother the last thing she needed was to go hiking with her too. They’d end up talking about Milly and Zoe. They wouldn’t be able to help themselves. And anyway, she needed something different.

She was about to turn away when a small poster caught her eye.

Waterside Trekking—enjoy the beautiful Lake District scenery from horseback.

She felt a rush of nostalgia. As a child she’d loved horse riding, and for a short time she’d even dreamed of having her own pony, but it hadn’t been practical and eventually that hobby had drifted into the past along with so many other things.

She stared at the picture of the horse and rider trekking along the side of the lake with mountains stretching beyond. It looked so tranquil.