“I don’t know what I mean. I was just throwing ideas out there as a start.” He glanced at his watch. “I need to go. Why don’t you think about it today while I’m out? There’s plenty of paper in the study, just through that door. Write down all the things that make you happy and all the things you’d like to delete from your life if you had the chance. We can look at it together tonight.”

He stood up and reached for the plates, but she beat him to it.

“I’ll clear up. It’s the least I can do. You get ready.”

“Are you sure? You’ll be all right here today?”

“I’ll be fine. I’m going to do what you suggested and imagine a different life.” She loaded the dishwasher and wiped the table, and by the time she’d finished he was ready to leave.

“Call if you need anything.”

“Thank you.” She had no intention of calling him. He’d already given her what she needed most. A shoulder to cry on, a sympathetic ear, sanctuary. More importantly, he’d made her think and question. Now all she needed was some answers.

First she was going to put her California home on the market. That decision was one of the easy ones to make. She should have done it a long time ago. Perhaps by taking that first step, she’d feel as if she was a little more in control.

He paused by the door. “I know you don’t believe me, but everything is going to be okay. I’m sure of it.”

He left the house, and she immediately got to work.

Despite the lack of sleep and dull headache, she felt energized. Talking to Joel, hearing his thoughts on it, had clarified things for her.

She did as he suggested and made a list of all the things she loved about her life, and all the things she considered to be important.

Her baby (that went at the top of the list)

Her friendship with Milly (she was going to ignore the fact that it might no longer exist)

Her relationships with Connie, Nanna Peg, Zoe (and also Joel, but she didn’t want to put that down on paper because she intended to show it to him later)

Acting (the actual process of acting, inhabiting a character)

Spending time outdoors

Physical activity

The list grew, and when she reached the bottom of the page she grabbed another sheet of paper, and this time she started listing all the things she would like never to have to deal with again.

The press

Reading about herself online (those two were linked but she decided they merited separate lines)

Always being watched

Never feeling safe, even with security

Interviews (she loved acting, but she hated talking about it)