Milly wiped her hands and stepped toward her friend. “Nic—”

“I grew up feeling like a failure. I was desperate for her approval.” She took a glass from the cupboard and filled it with water. “Desperate for any evidence that I was worth loving and not a total failure as a human being. When I didn’t get that validation from her, I looked for it elsewhere. To begin with, it was men. Men who paid me attention. My self-esteem was so low I wanted to believe those things they said about me. And then I realized that they weren’t giving, they were using me. Their opinion of me wasn’t any higher than my mother’s. I stopped dating.” She took a sip of water and Milly nodded.

“I know. I remember that time.”

“But the public—” Nicole’s eyes filled, and she blinked rapidly. “I was hungry to be loved, and they loved me. And it was easier to bathe in the approval of an amorphous crowd than to try to seek the approval of one person. I felt special. I felt good about myself for the first time ever.” She took another sip of water. “It’s embarrassing to admit that.”

This felt like the conversations they used to have when they were growing up. They’d never been afraid to bare their feelings.

“Why is it embarrassing?”

“Because it was no more real than those social media posts you were looking at. All the attention I’ve been given in my life—it’s an illusion. Smoke and mirrors. The biggest deception of all.” Nicole put the glass down. “For a short time I thought what I had with Justin was real. I thought he loved me.”

And the betrayal would have hurt all the more for that. Milly could understand that.

“Are you sure he didn’t?”

Nicole shrugged. “In the end he loved his career and his image more. Did he use me to raise his profile? I don’t know, but that’s what happened. I can’t believe I actually suggested that we both just walk away from it all, buy a plot of land and grow vegetables.”

Milly tried to picture it, and doing so made her smile. “Do you know anything about growing vegetables?”

“No, but I thought it would be fun to learn. Particularly if we were doing it together.”

Together. And that was what this was of course: Nicole’s attempt to create something that resembled a family.

Imagining her excitement and then her devastation wiped the smile from Milly’s face.

“I assume he didn’t grab the chance.”

“No. Probably a good thing, because we both know I wouldn’t have known how to cook the vegetables even if I’d grown them.” Nicole shrugged. “Anyway, that’s my sorry story. And this is a heavy conversation to have in the middle of the day.”