“Right,” said Dan. “I think that’s cracked it. We’ll stick a couple of logs in there too, and pray that it doesn’t go out.” He glanced at the watch on his sooty wrist. “God, it’s eleven o’clock and we haven’t even started yet.”

“How are we going to wash?” Josh asked, staring at his filthy hands. “The water will still be freezing.”

“Hell’s teeth, Josh! What’s the point of cleaning ourselves up now?” He swept a hand around the dust-covered room. “We’ve got this to do yet.” Josh looked suitably despondent. “Never mind, by the time we’ve finished, the water should be hot.” He walked over to the cupboard and took out the mop and bucket and handed them to Josh. “Right, now for the real work.”

An hour and a half later, they had the place cleaned from Ajaxed bath to Flash-sparkled floor. By that time, the stove had managed to heat the water to a bearable tepidity, and they were able to wash off the worst of their engrained dirt before taking their belongings in from the car and starting to unpack them.

Dan was shoving a pile of shirts into his small chest of drawers when Josh entered the bedroom, frowning quizzically at his mobile phone.

“This thing’s broken,” he said, giving it a shake. “The battery’s full, but all it does is bleep at me.”

“Probably because there’s no reception here.”

“What do you mean, no reception? Mobile phones work everywhere, don’t they?”

“Not in a tube train, they don’t.”

“We’re not in a tube train, Dad.”

“I know, but the principle’s the same. If you’re out of range of a signal, then you don’t get reception.”

“Do you mean to say that we’re out of range up here?”

“Probably.”

“But this is mainland Britain. I thought the whole place was covered.”

“Obviously not.”

“Well, how am I meant to text my mates?”

Dan laughed as he threw a handful of socks into a drawer. “I don’t know. Try walking up the hill at the back of the cottage. You might get lucky up there.”

With a discontented groan, Josh slipped the mobile into the pocket of his trousers. His eye caught the contents of Dan’s suitcase on the bed. “What on earth is that?”

“What on earth is what?” Dan asked, following Josh’s baffled gaze.

“That beige thing.”

“It’s my skiing outfit.”

“Why have you brought that?”

“Because, Josh, it can get like the Arctic up here, and I don’t possess any other clothes that suit extreme weather conditions.”