‘You’re right. If I’d loved her, I wouldn’t have given it to her. And if she loved me, it wouldn’t have mattered.’ He narrows his eyes and moves closer to me as if he’s trying to get me in better focus. His gaze is intense. ‘See, Fern, when we first met, I thought Gigi wanted the same things, a house, children, a good work-life balance. But you know what, Fern? She didn’t really want them. She liked playing with the idea of them, that’s all. It was something different, something new.’ He slumps back on the sofa, spilling wine on his jeans, and his mood turns gloomy again. ‘Or maybe she does want them, just not with me. If I’d known her at all, I wouldn’t have taken her advice to follow my dream and leave my well-paid job.’

‘Why did you?’

He looks serious. ‘I planned it all well in advance. I wanted to impress her with my spontaneity.’

‘That’s funny.’ I giggle then reach for the bottle and top our glasses up, the attentive host. ‘Do you regret it now?’

This is where he’s supposed to say, No, because I met you.

He doesn’t say it. He says, ‘Sometimes. Do you?’

‘Miss my well-paid job?’ And I think, No. Because I met you.

But I don’t say it, either. I smile ruefully. ‘Yes. I didn’t realise how easy it was, going into work, having a regular income. I still get the same excitement and satisfaction now, but the risks worry me. I keep thinking about the weather, wondering what’s going to happen when it’s autumn, when it starts getting cold and the days are short. That kind of thing.’ I slump back. ‘No point in worrying. We won’t know until it happens.’

‘Can I tell you something, Fern?’

‘Yes.’

‘Buddha said, “Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own unguarded thoughts.” Onwards!’ he says boldly, clinking his glass against mine. But he doesn’t go much further onwards, because right then his thoughts snap back to Gigi. ‘Fern, did she ever love me?’

‘Of course she did! How could she not help loving you? It’s just – she’s impulsive. She doesn’t think of the consequences. She was like that at school. I think even the teachers were a bit nervous of her.’ This new information about his beloved brightens him for a moment. ‘Really?’

‘So don’t blame yourself. And, of course, opposites attract and all that.’

‘I never imagined it would end like this.’

It’s the most painful realisation in the world that the person you most love and want to be loved by can’t do it.

He looks at me. ‘Thanks for listening. You’re easy to talk to, Fern.’