The main problem with this was that they wanted serving with snacks, and they wanted serving now.

William had politely explained that this was in fact not a café, but a restaurant, and that they could not just sit here for two hours sipping a coffee or a glass of wine. However, if they chose to remain, he would be delighted to serve them dinner.

They all stayed put.

A man in a shell suit stood up and shouted above the sound of the chatter that William should turn the music off; or better, replace it with some decent English music, like Rihanna. Everyone at his table cheered.

Drained of all colour, William snapped the music off, while Benjamin rolled his eyes and headed for the relative quiet of the kitchen.

‘Prepare yourself, Sally. Tonight is going to be hell,’ he warned her. ‘I suppose you don’t have any Valium, do you? I think it won’t be long before William is going to lose it.’

‘Why would you think that I have Valium?’

‘Because you’re an actress.’

Sally threw the spatula down on the countertop.

‘What a ruddy assumption! Don’t you actually think that if I had Valium I wouldn’t have already taken five this evening?’

‘You look as though you have. You seem so much calmer in here than you did after that incident with the man on the boat.’

William arrived and stood behind Benjamin’s shoulder.

‘They all want the fish and chips Niçoise. That’s twenty. Twenty fish and chips Niçoise. I tell you, Sally, it’s like a horror story out there. I don’t think that in all the years I’ve lived here I have seen so many ugly outfits in one room.’ He pulled both hands back through his sleeked hair, then slammed his palms down on to the serving surface with a deep sigh. ‘I need a Valium.’

‘Told you!’ Benjamin gave a little pout.

The sound of the bell, indicating new arrivals, summoned William back to the dining room.

Sally and Benjamin gave him just enough time to get out of earshot before bursting into laughter.

‘Where’s Carol?’ asked Sally, wiping a tear away.

‘Delivering to one of our regulars who’s down with la grippe or les hémorroïdes or something equally unsavoury.’

They both grabbed the countertop and rocked with silent hysteria.

‘Oh lord, it’s like being at school or something. Why are we laughing?’

Benjamin shrugged. ‘Better than wringing our hands and sobbing, I suppose.’ He sniffed and turned away.

‘Benjamin! Where do you think you’re going?’

‘Back into the restaurant from hell.’

‘No, no. I need you in here.’ Sally picked up a large, sharp knife.

Benjamin held up his hands in supplication. ‘Be gentle with me!’

‘Well, then, darling, roll up your sleeves and start slicing the panisse, while I get on with breading the fish.’

William appeared again, looking even more tightly wound up than the last time.

‘That was Daniel and Constance. They took one look at the room, said they’d had enough and have decided tonight to go home to eat.’