“No, she’s right. I’m not family.”

And they weren’t mine. Not my pack, not my problem. I didn’t have one anymore, did I? No place to land when shit went south. I’d even made Zoey off limits right now. I could go back to her, sure. But it wouldn’t be the same. She had Sid now. They had each other. Their own pack.

And I…I had nothing.

The wolf inside me skittered about, his claws slicing me up from the inside out. He didn’t like me walking away. He wanted me to fix it—wanted this pack, and I just couldn’t do it. It hurt too much. “I’ll be in my room.”

“Declan,” Lou pleaded from behind me.

I stalked off, ignoring Trick and Lou as they argued and Lou tried again to call me back. The thing was, she wasn’t wrong. They weren’t mine, and it didn’t matter how hard I tried to make us into a unit, that wouldn’t change.

After I closed my door and flipped the lock, I downed my beer in one long swallow. Had I even eaten? I couldn’t remember. Everything was swirling in my head—the exhaustion, all of the change. I stared at my sad little room and it suddenly didn’t look like much. A place to lay my head, but not much else.

What was a wolf without a pack? I desperately needed an anchor and I didn’t have one.

I rubbed a hand over my jaw. One thing at a time. Sleep first. Until I got some solid rest, nothing else would help. My fear and worry had drained away, leaving my limbs feeling heavy as I stripped out of my clothes. I was the kind of tired you felt in your bones, in your soul. If this was what it took to get some real sleep, I wasn’t sure it was worth it.

Someone knocked softly at the door. “Declan?” Lou’s voice, heavy with apology. Another knock. “Dec?”

I didn’t answer her, but burrowed down into my pillow, dragging the comforter over my head. There was a squeak—the ferrets had been curled up under my blanket. I drew them up close and they resettled by my chest. They seemed to like my room, or maybe I was still a novelty to them. Ferrets were curious. It was nice to have them curled close. I couldn’t manage people right now, but the ferrets made me feel slightly less alone.

And I couldn’t deny that I was alone. I felt bad ignoring Lou, but how could I answer her? There was no way I would be able to keep how I felt out of my voice. I’d been reaching for something I wanted without admitting it to myself. Reaching for pack, for family, for Lou. There was a crushing feeling that came with wanting something so bad, grasping for it, and discovering you couldn’t have it. Was it evident to Trick, to Lou, what had happened? Did they know?

If they didn’t already know, she would know the second I answered her. I hadn’t felt this vulnerable to another person in a long time. I couldn’t take it. So I pretended to be asleep and didn’t answer. I felt shitty doing it, but I couldn’t bring myself to expose even one more bit of myself.