I closed my eyes, breathed deep, and dropped the block I had on the bond.

It was like trying to drink from a storm-swollen river. There was just so much at once. I was used to dealing with animals. Not that animals don’t have complex inner lives, but it’s simply not the same. After a second, it got more manageable, and I was able to sort through his feelings a little easier.

Everything Declan had been saying was there. His attraction to me. His surety that this was okay. That he wasn’t a poison cookie. His trust.

And he felt everything I did, too. My confusion. My worry that I’d do something to betray that trust. Not intentionally, but then, we don’t always hurt people on purpose. They still end up hurt.

He brushed the hair back from my face. “You’re scared.”

I was terrified. He’d been through so much and I was worried I’d destroy any headway he’d made. After all, I didn’t know what I was doing. I was still an apprentice. But right now, by contrast, Declan’s emotions, when I sifted through them, were strong and steady. “How can you be so sure? With everything going on, your past, aren’t you a little frightened?”

He smiled again, this one tight-lipped, no teeth. “You’re my friend, Lou. I have faith—you can do this.”

“That sounds like a very nice sentiment for a greeting card, and I’ll try to listen to it over the mantra of ‘we fucked’ that’s currently parading through my head.” I pulled the blanket over my shoulders. “It’s a big parade, too. There’s a marching band and full complement of ‘we fucked’ dancers. Elephants, probably. Maybe some dressage ponies.”

Declan considered this. “We’re both tired and the last twenty-four hours have been…”

“A lot?”

“Yes, a lot. We don’t have to decide everything tonight. We know where we stand. Let’s give each other time to adjust.” He tucked the blanket tighter around my shoulders. “Would it help if I talked to Juliet’s mentor about it?”

“Yes?” It came out like a question, but I guess it was a bit of one to me.

“Then we’ll leave it there for now.” He curled an arm over my hip.

“Just like that?”

“Just like that.”

Declan’s bone-deep contentment flowed over the bond, and my “we fucked” parade got a little quieter. The band lowered their instruments and the elephant yawned. The dancers stretched and the ponies began to graze. Take five, everybody. We’ll pick up our catastrophizing in the morning.

“Okay, then.” I snuggled down into the pillows. “And Declan?”

“Hm?”

“Since you’re on the outside, you have to get back up and turn off the lights.”

He grumbled as he got up and flicked off the switch, plunging the room into darkness.

Chapter Sixteen

Declan

We spent the next three days juggling schedules, working on our bond, and not discussing my poison cookie status. Which was fine. It felt good to get to know Lou in a new way, and I was enjoying what we already had. I could be patient.