Astrid and Tova stared at me, riveted, their eyes wide. The table was quiet except for Savannah, who was noisily chewing on a green bean. Lou ignored her food, her fork hanging loosely in her hand.

“When’s the last time you saw them?” Astrid asked gently.

“They were almost three when the courts placed them in a different home.” I stopped pushing my food around and set down my fork. “I know they’re safe. A few times a year, I send a letter to an intermediary, who passes it on.” I hadn’t had a letter back in over a year, but I still wrote. “The intermediary would let us know if…if something bad happened.” Maybe they hated me. They probably blamed me for our family falling apart. I didn’t even know. My chest felt tight.

“That’s so sad,” Astrid said, her eyes tearing up. She sniffed, and Tova handed her an extra napkin.

I tried to smile at them, but I didn’t do a very good job. I’d never had what Lou and her siblings had, and I felt the jealousy seep through my veins. Which wasn’t right. It wasn’t their fault my family had fractured, and they clearly appreciated each other. But it still tore a wound open I thought long healed. I stared at my food, afraid that if I looked up, they would see everything in my face.

Under the table, Lou took my hand. I felt a tentative mental “knock” along our bond: Lou letting me know she was there if I wanted to drop my mental walls. If I wanted to let her in. I hesitated. The wolf inside me snorted in irritation.

You’re so pushy sometimes, I told him.

He sat on his haunches. Only when you need the nudge.

Fine. I dropped my mental walls. Lou was there—all warm reassurance and…support. Like the mental version of her hand in mine, letting me know she was by my side.

My wolf settled down, letting out a sigh. The tightness in my chest eased, and I was able to pick up my fork and resume my meal.

Lou didn’t let go. She had to eat with her left hand, which I knew wasn’t her dominant one. I should have let go and made eating easier for her, but I couldn’t.

I needed her hand, so I selfishly squeezed back and held on tight for the rest of the meal.

After dessert, we were ushered into the family room. Tova and Astrid bolted for their rooms, and Will headed to the kitchen with Bjorn to help with the dishes. Bay held a freshly pajama-ed Savannah as he stood by the window, swaying back and forth. When he turned, I could see Savannah’s eyes drooping.

Bay’s mom, who clucked at me every time I tried to call her anything but Mama Ami, took both our hands, closing her eyes, examining our bond closely. It took everything in me not to fidget. My belly was full, I was exhausted emotionally and even physically, but somehow I was still wound up.