“All the times I waited for her to come to me, to tell me what I had to do, to help me …” He trailed off, staring fixedly at her. “Nothing is going to happen,” he said finally.

She nodded. “But you know about the dream, don’t you?”

“It’s only a dream. It won’t happen. It can’t happen, because I won’t let it.”

She straightened and locked her eyes on his. “You taught me about being strong, John. I learned that from you in Hopewell. But I learned about caution, as well. You don’t seem cautious enough to me. You think you can’t be hurt, no matter what, unless you do something to invite it. But I don’t think that’s how life works.”

“I think I can control what I do,” he snapped. “That’s all I’m saying.”

She shook her head. “What if Stefanie’s life is threatened, and you have to choose between doing what the Void wants or letting her die? What will you do? If you love her as much as you say, what will you do? I don’t think you can just shrug this off.”

Pushing back his lunch, he shook his head emphatically. “I’m not shrugging anything off. I’m not taking this lightly. But there’s no reason for the Void to try to subvert me. I’m worthless. I have nothing left to give. I gave up everything already.”

She looked at him. “Did you?” She looked over very deliberately at the black staff, resting against the window ledge beside him.

“It doesn’t work,” he insisted quietly, but she could tell from the way he said it that he was hedging.

“What if the Lady has sent someone to kill you, just to be sure you don’t switch sides?” She flushed. “Are we going to pretend that what happened five years ago couldn’t happen again today? That war between the Word and the Void is still going on, and the creatures that fight in it still exist. There are still feeders out there, multiplying in the wake of the bad things that happen. Humans are still working hard at destroying themselves. Nothing has changed, John. You act as if it has. The fact that your life is different doesn’t mean the world is. And it doesn’t mean your connection to it has stopped having significance. Some things you can’t walk away from. Wasn’t that the lesson you taught me?”

He stared at her for a moment without replying, then shook his head. “It isn’t the same.”

He was lying to himself, and he didn’t even realize it. She saw it clearly, a truth so obvious that she was appalled. Why was he refusing to listen to her? She remembered him as being so clearheaded, so focused on the reality of the world’s harsh demands and unexpected treacheries. What had happened to him?

“Did you know there’s a demon in Pioneer Square?” she asked quietly.

That got his attention. She watched his reaction with satisfaction, a quick shifting of the pale green eyes, a hint of shock and disbelief on the angular face. “It was hunting homeless people last night in the catacombs of the old city. I was out walking with Ariel, after midnight, because I couldn’t sleep. We could hear its victims screaming.”