Shoving open the car door, Leanne staggered towards the marina gates, only to realise she had left her handbag in the car with her keys in it. She grabbed hold of the rusted bars and shook them with a rage that had been building for over a year. A sob tore from her throat and when she felt Joe’s hands peeling away her fingers, she let him turn her around. She pressed her face into his jacket and she howled. It had been the end of the world, the end of Lois, the end of their friendship, the end, the end, the end.

‘It’s my fault,’ she sobbed. ‘And I didn’t just hurt her, did I? I hurt you too. You shouldn’t have been there.’

All this time, Leanne had told herself she didn’t want to see Joe because she blamed him, but it was another lie. She didn’t want to see the pain she had inflicted, but if she was waiting for Joe to tell her she was wrong to blame herself, he couldn’t do it. He was sobbing too. As much as she was clinging to him, he was clinging to her. They stayed like that for the longest time.

Eventually, Leanne found her keys and, when the gates were unlocked, she insisted Joe come to the boat. Leanne was feeling the first inklings of a hangover and they were both dehydrated from all the crying. It was only when they were nursing two cups of coffee that they were ready to resume.

‘It could so easily have been me watching her die,’ Leanne said in a whisper. She was sitting next to Joe on the futon, both staring ahead. ‘Or else I might have persuaded her to use the side exit.’

‘I could have been faster getting up after the alarm went off,’ Joe replied. ‘Or slower. Or Lois could have bought tickets for a different show, or just a different night. She could have picked up that stinking cold of hers a week later than she did, in which case she would have been home drinking Lemsip when it happened. We took a thousand small and insignificant steps to reach that point and if you change any one of them, it could have saved her life, or caused the death of someone else. But we are where we are and there are a million other decisions ahead that are going to lead us down one path as opposed to another. If you think about that too much, it can drive you mad.’

‘I’m sorry, Joe.’

He turned to look at her. ‘I’m sorry too.’

Leanne rubbed an eye, leaving her fingers tacky with smudged mascara and eyeshadow. When she attempted a smile, she knew she must look like Joaquin Phoenix’s Joker, but she tried anyway.