Chapters (19)
‘Please, Chrissie, wish me happiness and don’t let us part in anger. I know I’ve got a lot to thank you for – and I’m grateful, really I am, for all you’ve done for me, but I’ve got to live my own life now. I’ve always dreamt that I should find someone somewhere, some day, whom I could love and who’d love me. And I’ve found him, so don’t grudge me my happiness.’
‘You’re not going, I tell you,’ Chrissie said stubbornly.
‘I’ve got to go! François is waiting for me. I’ve packed all my things and the boxes are already downstairs. The jewellery is in the drawer of my dressing table. Good bye, Chrissie.’
Her words of farewell seemed to galvanise Chrissie into action. The numbed horror with which she had heard Stella’s announcement left her. She sprang from the bed to stand in front of the door, her lank hair falling round her wizened face. With her lips curved back from her yellow teeth she defied Stella furiously. For a moment the two women faced each other, then Stella said quietly,
‘If you don’t let me pass, Chrissie, I shall send for the Rajah and tell him I’m leaving this house. I’ve left him a letter, but if, instead, I have to give him the news myself, I shall also return to him all the presents he has given me, including the jewellery which at the moment I’m leaving for you.’
Stella’s voice was firm and her eyes were steady. Chrissie had never known her speak like this before. There was something resolute about her, a strength in her bearing which had never been hers before. For the first time in her life Stella was fighting for something which really mattered.
Chrissie drew a deep breath. She was defeated and she knew it. In answer she moved from the door and flung herself face downwards on the bed, her hands clenched, the nails digging into the palms, her humped back ugly and monstrous as she lay there.
For a moment Stella hesitated. Her eyes were soft with pity, and then she glanced away from Chrissie towards the door. She was free to go, free to join the man she loved, to live decently for the first time in her life. And yet she must take her happiness at someone else’s expense, she must leave Chrissie defeated and unhappy.
There was something terrifying in that she had managed to silence the voice that had nagged her for so many years. Armoured by her love, within a few seconds she had destroyed the power that her elder sister had always had over her. But she had not wanted to wound Chrissie, and for a moment Stella contemplated going to her, putting her arms round her and telling her to forget it all.