Especially Camille, waiting, patient, faithful Camille. She made her stand so much better than I did, told me she would go to New York just as long as I was happy. And I can see now she meant it. But I did not believe her. She had the faith in me I needed, and because I would not accept that faith, she lost faith in her faith too; I cheapened it. It was too late when I realized that, after all, she was actually a human being capable of thought, not just a slave or a pet or a southern woman. I betrayed us both.

This was one of the things I asked Tucker tonight. I turned to him and found him sitting there staring far out down the road, thinking, as engrossed in his thoughts as I had been in mine, and I asked him what Bethrah thought about all this, about his buying the land.

“She’s worrying, Mister Willson. I reckon she thinks I gone crazy.” He does not even have it as easy as I had it. Bethrah is a lot more independent than Camille ever was.

“Doesn’t that bother you at all? Doesn’t that make you want to stop?”

“No, sir. It’s something I got to do.”

“Doesn’t she want you to think about it? Buying a farm is a big step, especially since you’ve never farmed before. Does she want you to do it?”

“No, sir.”

“How can you then? Don’t you think she has some say in the matter? I mean, you know she’s a very intelligent girl. And she may be right.”

“Don’t matter if she is right. It don’t even matter if I’m wrong. I got to do it, even if it’s all wrong. If I don’t do it, ain’t none of these things going to stop. We’ll go on working for you forever. And that has got to stop.”

“Yes, it does, doesn’t it.”

“Yes, sir.”

We drove on. To our right, above Eastern Ridge, the sky began to get gray, the black lifted, and the country took on the blue color of a stained-glass window, seeming to possess light but not to give it off. We had come almost to the farm. I turned once more to him. “Could anything make you give this up?”

He did not hesitate. “No, sir.”

“I don’t imagine anything could, if owning that farm means so much to you.”

He looked at me. “You only gets one chance. That’s when you can and when you feels like it. When one of them things is missing, ain’t no use trying. If you can do it, but don’t feel like it, why do it? And when you feels like it, and ain’t no opportunity, you just knocking your head against the front of a car going a hundred miles an hour. There ain’t no use in thinking about it if you ain’t got both. And if you had both and missed out, you might as well forget about it; your chance is gone for good.”