Mama Mama Mama. She loves her some Thomasville, I swear. Nine pounds? She also loves to exaggerate. I’ll have to see this to believe it. I should ask her to take a picture, and I bet she comes up with some kind of excuse. She’s too much. But I love her to death. She’s having the time of her life right now. Living in a fantasy world, which she and all of us deserve to experience at least once in our lives. So—yes, Mama, you can put your dining-room furniture in layaway and get your upgraded carpet and move into your almost-but-not-quite-new condominium.

Message three: “Paris, this is your sister, Janelle. Hope you’re doing okay. I’m better. Want to talk to you, about George. Among other things. But. I’ve had him arrested. I know you’re not surprised, but call me when you get this message. Oh, and by the way, our brother’s in jail again. He goes to court next week for sentencing. He’s probably going to get the electric chair. I’m just kidding, and I know I shouldn’t be. But, anyway, he shouldn’t get more than a year. I’m surprised he hasn’t called you. Have you talked to Charlotte lately? She’s going through some serious changes. But then again, aren’t we all? Call me. Hi to Dingus.”

Wow. Damn. As the World Fucking Turns, again and again and again. I dial Dr. Lerner again, and when the receptionist answers and I tell her it’s me, she puts him right on. “Hello, Paris. What can I do for you?”

“Well, Dr. Lerner, a few days ago I was jogging and I pulled a hamstring and fell on the pavement and I went to the Emergency Room and they checked me out and I was fine but they gave me some medication for the pain and they told me to follow up with my regular doctor, and I’m calling to see if you can give me a refill on the medication because I’m out of it and it’s still hurting something fierce.”

“Oh, gee. When did this happen?”

“Four days ago.”

“Was it on the Iron Horse trail, by chance? I’ve taken a few bad falls along there myself.”

“As a matter of fact, it was.”

“Gotta be careful. So—you saw someone in the ER over here at the Regional Medical Center, did you?”

“Yes I did, but I can’t remember who I saw.”

“It’s okay. I know all those guys anyway. But what kind of pain medication did they prescribe for you?”

“I think it’s called Vicodin, and it has an ‘E.S.’ after it.”

“Un-huh. You must’ve taken a pretty hard fall. You have bruising, do you?”

“Sure do.”

“I’ll call in twenty for you. Would that hold you until I can get a look at you in a few days?”

“I’d like to think so, but, unfortunately, tomorrow I’m going out of town for a week, so maybe we should make it for thirty, just in case?”

“No problem. How about we just make it for forty, and this way you won’t have to worry about having any discomfort?”