And I really can’t. It feels very surreal. I know I want to be with Alex for the rest of my life, but I can’t actually get my head around the fact that I’m marrying him today.
I’m marrying him.
Nope. Still won’t sink in.
We head to the venue in a black cab after Maria has retouched Bridget’s make-up. Rachel joins us to snap some pics, bringing with her tiny bottles of chilled Prosecco for the journey. We all still feel a bit rough after last night, but manage to knock them back anyway.
And then I climb out of the cab to see Alex standing on the steps outside the cream-coloured building.
I freeze, only very vaguely aware of Rachel and Maria clicking off shots. He looks so handsome. He’s wearing a very dark-blue, fitted suit with a pale-blue tie.
Finally it hits me.
My legs feel like jelly as I come out of my daze. He jogs down the steps and takes my hand.
‘Don’t freak out,’ he whispers in my ear. ‘Visa, remember?’
‘Yes, visa,’ I repeat aloud. He casts me a sideways grin and squeezes my hand as we walk up the steps together.
‘You look incredible,’ he says seriously, and then he leads me inside the venue and down a corridor to two wooden doors at the end. Bridget, Maria and Rachel go in ahead, but, as the doors swing shut behind them, I catch a glimpse inside and breathe in sharply.
There are so many more people here than I’d anticipated.
‘I thought we were keeping this small,’ I whisper.
‘It was a little out of my hands,’ he replies. ‘They all wanted to come. I hope you’re not upset.’
I shake my head and then push open the door a crack and peek in, spying my mum up at the front, next to David.
A lump forms in my throat.
‘Hey,’ he says gently, pulling me into his arms and holding me tightly.
‘It’s okay, it’s okay,’ I gasp. ‘I’m not going to lose it.’ I try to inhale, but my lungs refuse to fill with air.
He places his hand over my stomach and presses his lips to my temple.
I don’t know how or why, but I suddenly feel calm. Like, weirdly calm.
He looks at me expectantly.
I nod and go to push open the doors.