“You can’t use Disney parents being killed off; it’s too sad, and against the rules.”

“Oh, we have rules?”

“Mmm-hmm. No Disney deaths.”

“Okay.” Blair concentrates on the road ahead for a couple of blocks. “Mmm… Better or worse than when Bridget Jones finally gets Daniel to sleep with her, and he discovers her granny underwear?”

Despite myself, I chuckle. “Worse. That wasn’t such a bad moment. Kind of cute and romantic, actually.”

“Yeah, it was cute. Hugh Grant was so hot in that scene.”

“Way too hot.”

“So… so… so… Aha!” Blair hoots. “Better or worse than when Kristen Wiig brings the bridal party to the Mexican restaurant before the dress rehearsal, and everyone ends up with food poisoning, and there aren’t enough restrooms in the dress shop, so Lillian ends up taking a dump in the middle of the street while wearing a wedding dress?”

I laugh at that. Bridesmaids is one of our favorite movies. “That was funny-tragic; my situation is tragic-tragic. But, yeah, you could say I feel as humiliated as if I’d just pooped in the middle of the street.”

“Why? What happened?”

“Diego and I had sex on Christmas Day.” I can’t bring myself to say we “made love,” even if that’s what it felt like. “And the next day he bailed on me without as much as a note and returned none of my calls afterward.”

“Just like that? Nothing happened between the sex—How was it, by the way?—and him leaving?”

I ignore the sex question. “A lot happened before and after.”

“So tell me!”

I do. I start with Paul’s Christmas present, the argument with Diego about my feelings for my sister’s fiancé, and our night together. Then I tell her about the food fight with Julia, and Diego overhearing that I picked him to be Julia’s fantasy and not mine. I end with the second fight about Paul, with me leaving to set things right between him and Julia and coming home to find Diego gone.

“And you really don’t see why he left?” Blair asks, a bit exasperated.

“No! You do?”

“Let’s try on the situation in reverse. Imagine you were dating this wonderful guy, and were falling for him…”

Easy.

“…Then, when things get serious, you find out that until a few days ago, he’s been madly in love with a woman who’s already taken by his brother.”

“‘Madly in love’ seems like a bit much,” I protest.

“Would ‘mildly in love’ work better?” Blair asks, sarcastic. “Point is, you’ve been obsessing over Paul for years.”

“I don’t see where you’re going with this.”

“Be patient. Get back in the story: You’re dating this guy, and things are going great until you find out he’s had feelings for this woman for the longest time before meeting you. Still following?”

“Yeah.”

“Then you overhear this big argument between him and his brother, and you also discover you’re not exactly his type. That he went out with you only to piss off his brother. You’re super mad and want to understand where you stand with him. But in the meantime, the other woman breaks up with the brother. So, she’s now technically free and available. Now, once the fight between the brothers is over, you ask your guy to talk with you, and he blows you off to run after this other woman… What is your first thought?”