BooksBarbecue
Back 3 a.m.
Chapters (67)
  1. :01
  2. :02
  3. :03
  4. :04
  5. :05
  6. :06
  7. :07
  8. :08
  9. :09
  10. :10
  11. :11
  12. :12
  13. :13
  14. :14
  15. :15
  16. :16
  17. :17
  18. :01
  19. :02
  20. :03
  21. :04
  22. :05
  23. :06
  24. :07
  25. :08
  26. :09
  27. :10
  28. :11
  29. :12
  30. :13
  31. :01
  32. :02
  33. :03
  34. :04
  35. :05
  36. :06
  37. :07
  38. :08
  39. :09
  40. :10
  41. :11
  42. :12
  43. :13
  44. :14
  45. :15
  46. :16
  47. :00
  48. :01
  49. :02
  50. :03
  51. :04
  52. :05
  53. :06
  54. :07
  55. :08
  56. :09
  57. :10
  58. :11
  59. :12
  60. :13
  61. :14
  62. :15
  63. :16
  64. :17
  65. :18
  66. :19
  67. 3:46 a.m.

I take a deep breath. “I told you that I don’t want kids. I told you we had to be super careful.” It isn’t that I didn’t want kids. I loved kids or at least the idea of kids. It’s that I didn’t want to be a rent-a-dad. How could I be expected to raise a child, be a father, when I only had an hour a day? “I’m only awake an hour a day!” I shout. “What don’t you understand about that? Sixty minutes is all I get, and now you want me to take care of a baby?”

I turn. I don’t want to look at her. I don’t want to see what my words have done to her. I walk into the bedroom and strip off my jeans. I pull on gray sweatpants and a matching gray hoodie, then lace up my running shoes.

Lassie is asleep and I give him a nudge with my hand.

“Come on, let’s go.”

He does a quick stretch, then hops off the bed.

A minute later, when the sun does rise, Lassie and I are wending our way through the trees, headed toward downtown Fairbanks.

::::

The trail spits us out onto a side street two blocks from downtown. My feet pound the pavement. Lassie glides on the sidewalk next to me.

My face burns hot. From the anger. And the lasting sunburn.

I can’t remember a time when I was so angry.

How could she do this to me?

How could she be so irresponsible? So reckless?

How could she get pregnant?

Was I supposed to spend my one measly hour a day changing diapers?

We follow the Chena River toward downtown, which is less impressive than the pictures had depicted. The outskirts of Fairbanks are bland and industrial. A saltine as far as cities go. The tallest building we pass is a sixty-foot rectangle of gray. There is a large gold banner with a polar bear and six multicolored rings.

Each summer in Fairbanks, they hold the Olympics.

The World Eskimo-Indian Olympics.

The Olympics draw a couple thousand spectators each year and kick off tomorrow at sunrise. The events are somewhat odd: the Seal Hop, the Ear Pull, the Two-Foot High Kick, the Indian Stick Pull, the Blanket Toss, among others. I had bought tickets for the second day and had hoped Ingrid and I could catch one of the sunrise events.

There are about sixty people milling outside the building setting up booths for the following day.